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This morning my boyfriend called me and told me his best friend had died. Expressing my condolences, utterly confused, I went on to ask him what had happened. He then informed me that his goldfish, Jamal, had been found floating lifeless in the bottom of his bowl this morning. He and his twin brother proceeded to have a proper funeral and conduct a full investigation complete with caution tape. They’re 17. I am now more certain than ever that I’m going to marry this boy.

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